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a false lunacy [userpic]

The fear of blood tends to create a fear for the flesh

[sticky post] May 8th, 2013 (01:53 pm)

location: Silent Hill, PA
mood: amused
song: keep the streets empty for me - fever ray

So this is my one-time greeting post to y'all. I'll add a Masterlist when there's any Masterlist to be added at all.

For now, here's some things about me:

I'm 21 (currently) and a fandom whore; have been since 2007, but back then I was writing fic for several anime. I have since moved my fanfic focus to video games and TV shows. My three biggest fandoms are Silent Hill, Resident Evil, and Supernatural.

I went to Penn State for a spell and then life happened and I withdrew. I have no definite plans to return - to this day I can't find a good enough reason to. I work at Godiva and no it's not nearly as fancy as it sounds. I'm a decently paid oompa loompa just like everyone else there and I do it to afford books, food, and rent in that order.

I love literature and books and will be waylaid by any pile of books anywhere no matter where it is and it seems to especially happen when more pressing matters must be attended to. I have a fervent wish to be a published author, even if it's only one book and I die immediately after. I'll consider that as God's gift to me. At the same time I'm sure He doesn't owe me anything and I'm most decidedly undeserving of any good fortune but I love Him all the same.

I have one of the quaintest worldviews on the planet and it can't be reconciled to sense or normalcy. Right now I'm entertaining picket-fence dreams and spiritual fulfillment and I only hope one day to be heard.

Add me if you're so inclined. I'm very open to all friends from all fandoms and walks of life. We can discuss anything under the sun as long as it comes with cookies and tea. Have a good one and a very merry unbirthday to you!

a false lunacy [userpic]

she be tryna lay up, all right

April 28th, 2015 (12:23 am)

Saturday, the 25th, was an interesting day.

So Ryan had no problem finding out where I lived which was a relief. Shortly after picking me up we went to the Wine & Spirits shop in Hamburg and he bought liquor for the bonfire. We arrived at his friend's place where I stood around for a while looking terribly overdressed during a drawn out conversation about cars Ryan was having with his friends. Hours later would have us sitting around the fire, I the quiet one most of the time but overall, it was alright. I didn't really click with his friends, but they were amiable nonetheless.

Not long after midnight Ryan and I left and headed back to his place to "watch a movie". We were supposed to be engrossed in Hemlock Grove but at some point he pulled me close and we started kissing. It didn't take us long to get really hot and bothered, but I was on my period and I didn't plan to fuck on the first date. Damn it all, I wanted to, but of course I knew that it would be a decision I'd grow to regret if I did, so we both caught our breath and he kept it in his pants. I'm really fucking turned on by this guy, though. Just the way that he held me, the way that he kissed me. It was possessive, aggressive, and he smelled fucking amazing. He blew Aidan out of the water, lmao.

Against my better judgment I ended up staying the night on his earnest request, and I had trouble sleeping because I was too deep in thought about what it all may mean.

Put simply, I am attracted to him and I like his demeanor and friendly nature. We may not have a whole lot in common, but I can tell he does mean well. He dropped me off and when I turned to leave, he complained about not recieving a hug or a kiss. I, of course, gave a him a kiss and he pulled me in with a deep one and then a few pecks. His kissing has vastly improved. I remember when he was 16 and sucked at kissing. Lol, memories.

Where will it go from here? Well, it's been two days and we've been texting since then. He hasn't invited me out for another date yet though he did express an intention to. I'm not that worried about it. If it seems like he's pulling away, I'll be up front with him and try to straighten things out. I dunno. I'll let things happen as they happen.

On Sunday I was picked up by Danielle and we went to the Fairgrounds Carnival. I spent the night and was dropped off around 9 at night.

I'm scared, but looking forward to the future. Hopefully this thing works out well or at the very least doesn't end horribly.

Here's to good luck! Not that I believe in it... :P

a false lunacy [userpic]

fucking A

August 22nd, 2013 (02:35 am)

mood: anxious
song: it's been a while - staind

God, this deadline is weighing on me. I can't be nudged to write a single word. Instead I'm stuck editing, biting my nails and hoping I have this bitch of a fic out in four days. Time is going so fucking quick, I can't think. If I miss the deadline, I'll just be proving to myself that I can't get anything done on time and should drop out of bb's of any kind. Forget about ever signing up for spn_j2. I had months to finish het_bb and it didn't do me any good. I hate this. I really do.

a false lunacy [userpic]


July 19th, 2013 (11:25 pm)

mood: exhausted
song: handlebars - flobots

So I can't even begin to tell you guys what my life has been like since July 4th. I don't care to get into specifics, but there's been a dramatic shift in my life and as of right now I have no time on my hands until after 10 at night, when there's nothing to do. At least, nothing wholesome.

My back is killing me and I've worked overtime for the past 2 weeks, and it looks like I've got several more weeks of overtime to go because I've got shit to pay. I've been MIA from Livejournal for a awhile and it isn't an enjoyable feeling. I haven't even been able to write because I have no fucking time. I feel like I close my eyes and suddenly it's tomorrow and I've got to get ready to go to work.

Aside from all that, life has been more or less sweet. I've got a bitter taste in my mouth but gladness in my heart. If that makes sense.

But the bad news is that in that time the internet has gone on without me and there's much to catch up on.

I also anxious as hell to download two albums I've been anticipating since ever - David Lynch's The Big Dream and Raised By Swan's Sightings, whenever the hell that comes out. You have no idea how much I flail over Raised By Swans. Seriously. I heard their new song and I was flapping my arms so much a bird poked its head in and told me he was surprised I wasn't off the ground yet.

Right now I don't know what to do now that I'm alone. I can't really believe I'm finally by myself after so long. There's so much to do I can't really decide, which is why I chose to pen an entry in the first place. I didn't want anyone to think I fell off the face of the earth or anything, though I kinda did. Sorry folks.

There's just been so much going on that I haven't been able to focus on any one thing. It really sucks. But I hope you're all doing alright. Nice to be on the ground again after having everything up in the air. For now, I'm going to go and... do something. Hopefully something useful like laundry or showering but I just might listen to music and fall asleep instead. xD

a false lunacy [userpic]

I'm sky high

July 4th, 2013 (04:37 pm)

mood: artistic
song: i follow rivers - lykke li

I'm so jittery from sound right now it's hard to write, but I must try to.

I don't know if you guys have ever felt this before, but have you ever had a time when a song just lit you up light a firework and you felt like exploding into a million colors? That's what I'm feeling. It's just amazing. There are really songs that lift me into the sky if I can just close my eyes and focus on the sound; then I feel I'm not tied down to anything, no evil can harm me - nay, there is no evil, and I've conquered the world because I'm no longer part of the world.

Sorry for getting so sappy on you, lol. I didn't mean to. But do you think you can do me a favor?

David Lynch once said, "I can't listen to music and do other things. I hate it. Music as background to me becomes like a mosquito, an insect. In the studio we have big speakers, and to me that's the way music should be listened to. When I listen to music, I want to just listen to music.

It's the same with cinema: if you have a chance to enter another world, then you need a big picture in a dark room with great sound. It's a spiritual, magic experience."

I'd like to impart such an experience to you folks today. If you can, try to isolate yourself, get into a comfortable position, pop in your headphones, and just let the sound lift you off the ground. This can work for all types of music, but I'm currently in mad love with this song:

The thing is, I can't decide what fandom this belongs to in my own head canon. I feel the Twin Peaks, and if anything it is a Twin Peaks song all around, but the various stretches of road and the melodious voice just sings of Supernatural. I imagine Sam and Dean would be having a pretty chill day, in between hunts maybe, or on the way to another town, but they're just peaceful for the time being.

Also, this is late news on my part, but I've been thoroughly transfixed with David Lynch's music for a while. Ever since Crazy Clown Time (2012), I've been listening non-stop. If you've ever wondered what it's like to have a dream wide awake, listen to David Lynch.

I've also just discovered Lykke Li through him, so if you have never had the pleasure of listening to her, try this as well:

This personally reminds me of an older fandom that for all intents and purposes doesn't quite fit the tone. I keep thinking of the man running through the snow as Chris Redfield and the one running after him as Jill. Maybe due to the fic I've read in the past featuring these two? Or perhaps the fact that this song is from 2011 and I was obsessed with Resident Evil that year? I dunno. :P

Anyway, you don't have to know anything about fandom to appreciate this music, but those are my more in depth thoughts about this music, and I tie almost everything to fandom in some way because I'm a dork.

Tell me what you guys think of these songs, if you're so inclined. I understand not everyone shares my long standing love affair with electronica, but these are tunes that lift me personally.

a false lunacy [userpic]

exhaustion with a side dish of what the actual fuck

July 2nd, 2013 (01:53 am)

song: ironside excerpt - quincy jones (kill bill vol. 1 soundtrack)

Urgh, sorry you guys haven't heard from me in a bit. I'm trying to reply/catch up to stuff, but I'm so exhausted from work and life in general. I don't even know why I'm awake.

If you guys would like to hear something funny before I go, here it is:

I took the Kinsey Scale Test, and on my first try I scored a 5.

Now, I KNOW throughout my life I've liked mostly guys. I've had lady crushes, but they'd never been serious. They were rather silly and fleeting, and they occurred mostly in middle and high school, with the exception of a recent female crush (only because I find her a weird mix of hot and adorable) who I'll likely never see again. I met her at work.


A 5 on the Kinsey Scale reads:  "predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual".

For about 2 minutes I was like --


But then I went back and found out that I'd answered a question wrong, having entered "true" for "I'm only attracted to women".

A fail of colossal proportions.

So now my new, more accurate test result is a 1, "predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual".

I've heard that this test is crap, inaccurate, ect., but just thought I'd try it. I have to tell ya though, being told I was gay was like waking up in a bathroom in a tub of ice, discovering that my kidneys were stolen.

This has been another episode of...

a false lunacy [userpic]

a line of inquiry for you folks

June 26th, 2013 (07:00 pm)

mood: curious

Quick question.

Anyone can answer me if they wish. First, some exposition.

I know on the internet blacks are also referred to as 'people of color' but I don't use this term. I find myself just saying "black", which isn't offensive in itself, but I also used to use the term "colored". I considered that I sounded too antique and what's worse, I might have sounded like a Caucasian in the 60's or something, so I dropped it a while ago. For a long time I've been using the term 'ethnic', but only when talking to my Mom. I haven't had the opportunity to use this term anywhere else.

I use the term 'ethnic' when I'm talking about a person in TV/movies/videogames/ect. who is something other than white or Asian. So if the person in question is black, Hispanic, Saudi Arabian, Iraqi, or just from anywhere else where people are generally darker, I say they're ethic. (Ex: "An ethnic female lead" or "an ethnic antagonist").

I pretty much started saying this on my own and I don't think I've seen it anywhere else (if I do, I definitely don't remember).

My question is - is this okay, or correct, even? I hope it wouldn't be offensive in any context. It use it personally because it's very inclusive. When I know someone's not white but I don't know for sure what ethnicity they are, I just say they're ethnic.

*For those of you who don't know, I myself am Puerto Rican and would technically fall under this term with the way I use it.

a false lunacy [userpic]

slendy and things

June 25th, 2013 (01:09 am)

mood: awake

Well I have work tomorrow and as expected my stomach's in a flutter and I can't sleep. It's only when I have to do something important tomorrow that I feel compelled to stay awake.

I finished watching all the TribeTwelve videos so far. EverymanHYBRID seems 10 times as popular for some reason even though the first two videos were an extreme bore. I see where they're going with it, though. They're making it seem like it was originally intended to be a series of videos centering around health and fitness before they started noticing strange things on the videos themselves. It's all clever exposition, but not any exposition I wanna watch. At least TribeTwelve got to the damn point. It was meant as a channel for a school project centering around the 12 tribes of Israel, but instead he got sucked up in Slenderman, and he didn't waste time on that point. These guys, however, are. Six videos until we get the ball rolling, it would appear.

Sigh. Whatever. I'll watch it anyway, if just to see what makes EverymanHYBRID so much more popular on YouTube than TribeTwelve.

a false lunacy [userpic]

challenge #13: weekly quick fic #4

June 24th, 2013 (09:15 pm)

mood: awake
song: rumor has it - adele

Title: Beginnings
Prompt: We Learn More From Loss Than Anything Else
Bonus: Y (for angst)
Word Count: 731
Rating: PG-13
Original/Fandom: Original (When It All Falls Down)
Pairings: none, for now
Warnings: the apocalypse, language, some religious themes, dark subject matter
Summary: Post-apocalyptic fiction, inspired by the game The Last of Us.
Notes: It's a little abrupt, but it's a start of something. I'm fumbling in the dark with these characters since not a lot has been fleshed out at this point. It's more of an attention grabber than anything.

Most of these men are going to die.Collapse )

a false lunacy [userpic]

Oh, I'm gonna walk in the moonlight with you.

June 23rd, 2013 (08:14 pm)

mood: amused
song: rick ross - 100 black coffins

So I'm admittedly obsessed with Django Unchained and have been for a while now. I've always held Tarantino in high esteem, but it was the music that sealed the deal for me and Rick Ross in particular. If you can put a rap song in a Western and make it fit, you're a talented person indeed. In the same vein, I like Kanye West's "Black Slaves". It'd work nice as a Django song in its own right.

You guys probably didn't peg me as a person to like rap, but I do. I hope you don't think less of me, lol.

I've also just seen Skyfall and thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm going to check out the fandoms for both of these films since they appear to have fanfic. Hope I find something juicy.

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